I've had an epiphany this go around of weight loss. I have gained and lost the same friggin' 15 lbs probably about 5 times since I started this "fit life" 4 years ago. It's super annoying.
About a month after I had Liam and realized that 9 lbs was all that was going to come off on its own, I needed a new game plan. I wasn't about to work my butt off to lose these 20 lbs....AGAIN...just to have the end of summer and holidays come around and have myself cookie and Mexican food my way back up to the 140's. This was going to be the last time I lose these same pounds no matter what it takes!
So fast forward 5 months later, 21 lbs down, and zero yo-yo's later, I have found the secret to staying at your target weight and not finding yourself in the closet finishing off that fresh package of Pumpkin Oreos working yourself up 5 lbs in one night. And then 15 pounds a month or two later. One word...substitutions.
My epic fall outs of my diet always were triggered by One. Evil. Thing. Dr. Pepper. "Oh, I'll just have one" always always turned into like 20 over the weekend (I had a problem) and about 6 pounds gained by Monday morning. Mondays were always depressing and I always had to psych myself up to "get back on." I'm sure many can relate. With the Dr. Peppers always came the thought, "well, I already screwed up today, might as well binge and eat 10,000 calories a day all weekend. Let's go to Mojitos!" I'd start every week with the intentions of never drinking a Dr. Pepper again. Who am I kidding?
To get to the point, this time has been very different. It's completely sustainable and there's literally nothing that can derail me. The difference is that I have taken all my setback foods and drinks and found replacements for them. This is so key. I haven't taken a single food item and said, "okay, no more ___." You know why? BECAUSE YOU WILL EAT IT AGAIN! And when you do, it will probably be 20 of them. Sad story.
So here are my replacement foods that have kept me sane and will be permanent changes:
1. Chocolate. Coffee. Creamer. Oh, the apple of my eye and the best part of my day. The way I could annihilate a bottle of chocolate creamer was nothing to be proud of. I'm talking like 12 tbsp a day. To say I would just not do coffee creamer anymore is so unrealistic so I found a replacement. To find one that tasted good and had the macros I wanted was a huge challenge. Almond milk creamer is disgusting by the way. It's like adding water. Yuck. Coconut french vanilla creamer is a yes and organic half and half with some organic stevia has been my creamer lately. Does it have the chocolatey goodness I so passionately loved before? No, but it's creamer that tastes good and is now what I use and is essential to me staying on track. Whew, this was a toughy to replace.
2. Dr. Peppers. Obviously my poison of choice. So the mindset of never drinking soda again never panned out well. And just having one always turned into 20. This was a hard one as well. By the way, La Croix is la gross. I don't know how anyone drinks that stuff. I tried a diet Dr. Pepper one day with my dad and was surprised at how little diet after taste there was. This was huge in my postpartum weight loss because I no longer consumed large amounts of calories from soda on the weekends or when I messed up. I could have a soda whenever...for a whopping zero calories and zero carbs and zero sugar. Is this real life?! I got on the Coke Zero and Diet Dr. Pepper train pretty hard. Restaurants, snacks, desserts....diet soda! It keeps me skinny!
Well, about a month ago I just couldn't get over the fact of how unhealthy this diet soda thing was. I'm a personal trainer. I promote health and taking care of your body, yet I'm consuming one of the worst things you can put in your body on a daily basis. I couldn't get rid of it so, you guessed it, I started searching for a substitution. I landed on Zevia and Honest Soda. Both are organic, non gmo, sweetened with stevia, and have 0 calories and 0 carbs. They don't taste like pee like La Croix (I'm really hating on them), and were actually pretty tasty! They aren't at Wal-Mart and are pricier than diet soda, but having those in my fridge and in my car have been VITAL to me staying on track.
3. Cookies. Chocolate. Any sweets. I'm so bad about NEEDING a sweet after dinner or after lunch. Bad habits I guess. This little girl right here can put away a package of raw cookie dough and trust me, it's shameful. The substitution for me has been dark chocolate. I like to keep a package of dark chocolate kisses in my pantry and allow myself 2-3 a night. Paired with a Zevia or Honest Soda, you'd be shocked at how satisfying this combo is for a sweet tooth. I've never had any problems since doing this. If you hate dark chocolate, I'd really look into maybe some gluten free healthy sweet snacks. You can find something! If you're super disciplined, which not many people are, and you can have a package of something awesome like Oreos or ice cream in your house and only eat ONE...then power to ya. I cannot. I'll eat the whole thing. Also, some health food stores have awesome versions of ice cream bars that are sweetened with stevia and are super low calorie. That's a great alternative too.
So moral of the story is we all know you're not going to give something up forever or completely take something out of your diet. It's too hard and leads to binging. This has been such a different feeling and attitude this time around because I didn't go to extremes to completely take things out of my daily diet that I normally consume so much of. Find your problem foods or drinks, and find alternatives. Do your research and make sure it's not made of pure crap like diet soda. Trust me, this is some good advice for sticking with a diet.
Yours truly.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Thursday, July 14, 2016
6 Months Postpartum
Gosh, how time flies! I've learned so much these past 6 months and the biggest thing I've learned is that I know nothing.
Having a baby is nothing like I thought it would be. They don't just "go along" with your plans, sit happily in their stroller or car seat while you shop or workout, and they definitely don't do the same thing more than a week or two in a row, leaving each day pretty unpredictable. This makes living a "fit and healthy" lifestyle very very challenging.
This may be a mean thought, but I often think if you can't live a healthy lifestyle or reach fitness goals before a baby, you're going to have a heck of a time reaching it after. I only say that because I always think, "how in the world did I struggle to find motivation to go to the gym when the window of opportunity was like 5 hours long?!" Throw in sleep deprivation and a complete elimination of naps and you have yourself quite the challenge to scrape up motivation. (I haven't taken a nap in 4 months.)
Anyway, as many know I have started teaching a HIIT/ plyometrics class at Snap. I was scared to death to start this. I wasn't in the best shape of my life, still needed to lose about 10 lbs, and just knew no one would come. I also wanted to try something different with the class and wasn't sure how it would translate. I've always been really motivated by music. Timing in music. When I workout with my headphones blaring, I always wait for the "drop" or high intensity part of the songs to lift or burpee too. So, I wanted to focus my class around this idea even though I had never really seen anyone else do it. It took a lot more work than I expected. Sure, it'd be easy to write down a list of 5 exercises, put on some moderately motivating music and have everyone do the list 3 times, but I wanted to somehow choreograph it to time the workouts to the loud intense parts of the song. Maybe it's the inner dancer/cheerleader in me that never quite died.
My first class went well as far as attendence. It's a tiny gym so my turnout expectations aren't that high. I think I had about 7 or 8 which is enough to fill up the studio and be considered a "full class." I learned a lot with my choreographed workouts that first class though and needed a good dose of confidence as well. I changed the exercises way too often, gave little to no notice when they changed, and tried to do too many changes within a song. It wasn't the smoothest. Next class I had another good turnout and made my exercises simpler and more repetitive so each song didn't have 15 exercises in it. I also figured out how to count down in a way that let everyone know when we were going to switch exercises. After talking with a couple of class attendents, it was decided that I would add a second class in the week. I was stoked! This was going well.
I decided to add a Thursday class and the attendence was pretty disappointing for a few weeks. I knew it was happening. Failure. Why had I started this class? Why did I get excited and add a second class so soon? Each class took a ton of work and many Thursday's it felt like my work was wasted time. One time, only my mom came. (Thanks mom!) But, I made the most of it and we had fun busting out the workout together and I didn't have to come up with another workout for the following Monday. Trying to be positive.
I confronted my Monday class and the owners of the gym and they said to just give it time. I announced more confrontationally to my Monday class to COME TO MY THURSDAY CLASS DANGITT! Or I'm cancelling it! Attendence picked up. :)
Fastforward 10 weeks and 18 classes later (can you believe it?), and things are going so great. Better than I imagined actually! I've gotten creative with some of the classes and changed up the format and equipment and get good feedback on the changes. I do fear that when summer ends, people will get back into their year long routines, lose motivation, and quit coming. Hopefully it won't. But I'm also considering stepping into the realm of 1 on 1 personal training. I love the gym. I love helping people. I love hearing testimonies. I've heard my class clients tell me they're finally losing weight, seeing big differences, getting so much stronger, and running better! I want to take it to a step further and help people 1 on 1. It's hard financially to make the switch to the gym more because I work at a hospital and more time at the gym means less time at the hospital- which is essentially my career. Come fall, I think I'm ready to follow this passion of being at the gym and helping people and see it through. My only hesitation is that the time to train clients is in the morning or evening. I secretly (maybe not so secretly) hate waking up at 5 am and evening times take time away from my husband and sweet baby. So, I'll have to weigh these considerations and make a decision about what I'm willing to do.
As far as weight loss, here are my stats and a quick summary! I got in the best shape of my life April 2015 weighing in at 120 lbs. I got pregnant in May at around 123 lbs and gained 30 lbs exactly which got me to 153 lbs at delivery. I thought I was going to lose all this weight in the hospital and ended up only losing like 9 lbs after 2 weeks. You're telling me I have 21 lbs to lose on my own?! UGH! It's been a slow process spreading out over 5 months. I've done everything I've blogged about, though. IIFYM, sprinkled with chocolate, cherry coke zero, and yummy creamer in my coffee. As you would imagine, I'm not making it to the gym 5 days a week. Heck, I can only get there to teach my class for 30 minutes! I"ve been very surprised by the progress I"ve been able to make with just 3 HIIT sessions in my garage a week. I take Liam's first nap of my days off and spend 45 minutes running through songs and ideas and then I have my classes for the week. Then, I actually do my class on Mondays and Thursdays. So, many weeks I'm only working out 3 days. And 2 of those only being for 25/30 minutes. I'm currently sitting at 120/121 lbs...back to my ideal weight, and I feel great! I fully expected the whole "your body will never be the same" after having Liam, and to tell you the truth I don't see a difference besides 2 small stretch marks in the inside of my right thigh. Random, right? Hard work, consistency, determination, and seeking support and help will get you to any goal you have in mind. I also credit eating somewhat healthy and lifting throughout my pregnancy with being able to fully return to my prepregnancy body.
Just wanted to give an update and hopefully I'll be announcing that I am taking 1 on 1 clients soon!
Having a baby is nothing like I thought it would be. They don't just "go along" with your plans, sit happily in their stroller or car seat while you shop or workout, and they definitely don't do the same thing more than a week or two in a row, leaving each day pretty unpredictable. This makes living a "fit and healthy" lifestyle very very challenging.
This may be a mean thought, but I often think if you can't live a healthy lifestyle or reach fitness goals before a baby, you're going to have a heck of a time reaching it after. I only say that because I always think, "how in the world did I struggle to find motivation to go to the gym when the window of opportunity was like 5 hours long?!" Throw in sleep deprivation and a complete elimination of naps and you have yourself quite the challenge to scrape up motivation. (I haven't taken a nap in 4 months.)
Anyway, as many know I have started teaching a HIIT/ plyometrics class at Snap. I was scared to death to start this. I wasn't in the best shape of my life, still needed to lose about 10 lbs, and just knew no one would come. I also wanted to try something different with the class and wasn't sure how it would translate. I've always been really motivated by music. Timing in music. When I workout with my headphones blaring, I always wait for the "drop" or high intensity part of the songs to lift or burpee too. So, I wanted to focus my class around this idea even though I had never really seen anyone else do it. It took a lot more work than I expected. Sure, it'd be easy to write down a list of 5 exercises, put on some moderately motivating music and have everyone do the list 3 times, but I wanted to somehow choreograph it to time the workouts to the loud intense parts of the song. Maybe it's the inner dancer/cheerleader in me that never quite died.
My first class went well as far as attendence. It's a tiny gym so my turnout expectations aren't that high. I think I had about 7 or 8 which is enough to fill up the studio and be considered a "full class." I learned a lot with my choreographed workouts that first class though and needed a good dose of confidence as well. I changed the exercises way too often, gave little to no notice when they changed, and tried to do too many changes within a song. It wasn't the smoothest. Next class I had another good turnout and made my exercises simpler and more repetitive so each song didn't have 15 exercises in it. I also figured out how to count down in a way that let everyone know when we were going to switch exercises. After talking with a couple of class attendents, it was decided that I would add a second class in the week. I was stoked! This was going well.
I decided to add a Thursday class and the attendence was pretty disappointing for a few weeks. I knew it was happening. Failure. Why had I started this class? Why did I get excited and add a second class so soon? Each class took a ton of work and many Thursday's it felt like my work was wasted time. One time, only my mom came. (Thanks mom!) But, I made the most of it and we had fun busting out the workout together and I didn't have to come up with another workout for the following Monday. Trying to be positive.
I confronted my Monday class and the owners of the gym and they said to just give it time. I announced more confrontationally to my Monday class to COME TO MY THURSDAY CLASS DANGITT! Or I'm cancelling it! Attendence picked up. :)
Fastforward 10 weeks and 18 classes later (can you believe it?), and things are going so great. Better than I imagined actually! I've gotten creative with some of the classes and changed up the format and equipment and get good feedback on the changes. I do fear that when summer ends, people will get back into their year long routines, lose motivation, and quit coming. Hopefully it won't. But I'm also considering stepping into the realm of 1 on 1 personal training. I love the gym. I love helping people. I love hearing testimonies. I've heard my class clients tell me they're finally losing weight, seeing big differences, getting so much stronger, and running better! I want to take it to a step further and help people 1 on 1. It's hard financially to make the switch to the gym more because I work at a hospital and more time at the gym means less time at the hospital- which is essentially my career. Come fall, I think I'm ready to follow this passion of being at the gym and helping people and see it through. My only hesitation is that the time to train clients is in the morning or evening. I secretly (maybe not so secretly) hate waking up at 5 am and evening times take time away from my husband and sweet baby. So, I'll have to weigh these considerations and make a decision about what I'm willing to do.
As far as weight loss, here are my stats and a quick summary! I got in the best shape of my life April 2015 weighing in at 120 lbs. I got pregnant in May at around 123 lbs and gained 30 lbs exactly which got me to 153 lbs at delivery. I thought I was going to lose all this weight in the hospital and ended up only losing like 9 lbs after 2 weeks. You're telling me I have 21 lbs to lose on my own?! UGH! It's been a slow process spreading out over 5 months. I've done everything I've blogged about, though. IIFYM, sprinkled with chocolate, cherry coke zero, and yummy creamer in my coffee. As you would imagine, I'm not making it to the gym 5 days a week. Heck, I can only get there to teach my class for 30 minutes! I"ve been very surprised by the progress I"ve been able to make with just 3 HIIT sessions in my garage a week. I take Liam's first nap of my days off and spend 45 minutes running through songs and ideas and then I have my classes for the week. Then, I actually do my class on Mondays and Thursdays. So, many weeks I'm only working out 3 days. And 2 of those only being for 25/30 minutes. I'm currently sitting at 120/121 lbs...back to my ideal weight, and I feel great! I fully expected the whole "your body will never be the same" after having Liam, and to tell you the truth I don't see a difference besides 2 small stretch marks in the inside of my right thigh. Random, right? Hard work, consistency, determination, and seeking support and help will get you to any goal you have in mind. I also credit eating somewhat healthy and lifting throughout my pregnancy with being able to fully return to my prepregnancy body.
Just wanted to give an update and hopefully I'll be announcing that I am taking 1 on 1 clients soon!
2 weeks post partum vs 5 months post partum
(142 lbs- 122 lbs)
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Why I Question If I Will Make It in the Fitness Industry.
So I've been honest on here. Maybe a little too honest. I'll just keep going.
I've been VERY hesitant and slow about starting my Personal Training/ Fitness "career". I've had people for years tell me to let them know when I start teaching classes, taking clients, writing workout plans, writing meal plans…yet, I've done NOTHING. Here's why…
I think I'm going to fail.
The fitness industry is completely contaminated with all these lies. Get abs in just 15 minutes a day! 30 day challenges, super unchallenging classes/videos that have all these grand promises but aren't too difficult, etc. I just flat out refuse to change what I know about making a lifestyle change to sell programs and training packages. I know that people lose weight on these 30 day challenges- they even lose 2 inches off their waist! But I have literally never met someone who took that 30 day challenge and applied it indefinitely, making a completely maintainable lifestyle change out of it. If you have, that's awesome! I wish more did! But statistically, the positive outcomes long-term are just not there.
When people ask what I do, or how to lose weight, or how to make any changes, they almost never like my answers. You have to work really hard, when you don't want to, all the time. Potential clients - gone. I've had people tell me HIIT (high intensity interval training) is too hard. They can't get motivated to do it. They'd rather do a squat challenge that takes 10 minutes. I know HIIT is hard - it's the hardest training I've ever done. But when you do really really hard training, something amazing happens. Your body adapts. Your body changes. You get stronger. A lot of times, back and joint pain improves. And the endorphins and visible improvements are the most rewarding and amazing motivators ever. Why do you think Crossfit is so wildly successful? I understand that not everyone wants to become an athlete or a body builder. I get it. They want to "tone up". (Ugh, the T word). And the connotation that comes with "toning up" are workouts that are completely doable, a little challenging, but will ultimately make you "feel" like you are doing something. The problem is, have you ever seen a woman with sculpted, toned arms and legs that couldn't do 10 pushups or 10 squats without getting out of breath? No. They can always run like a cheetah, are super impressive in the gym, and can move some pretty impressive weight with some impressive form. So I'm not really sure where people think they can get like that with really short workouts and a mediocre diet - or a super strict diet for 30 days.
The training I do isn't 3 hours long. It's 45 minutes. I literally workout from 6-6:45/6:50 in the morning. I also want people to want to get stronger and more agile - not just see the number on the scale drop. Yes, you want to lose 20 lbs, but don't you also want to build some awesome muscle (which will make the weightloss even slower), be able to do things like pushups and squats, not ache when you sit in a chair for 30 minutes, be able to be more independent with things like moving furniture, carrying heavy things, helping in the yard or around the house without getting out of breath or hurting?
My hope with future clients is not to get them to a certain weight, measurement, or for them to complete a 30 day challenge. My hope is to change their mindset. All the concepts in the fitness industry are fleeting, the motivation dies off and weight comes back on. If you give someone a new way of thinking about their workouts, progress, and food- those are concepts that will carry on far after a fad diet would. Workout to get stronger, agile, fit. Become amazed at what our bodies can actually do. It's made to do way more than sit on a couch for 5 hours a night or flicking a thumb through Facebook endlessly. Become amazed at how quickly it can change and become stronger. When you set strength goals instead of weight loss goals, your workouts become more fun and more of a chance to get stronger. (Crossfit hook). You need those workouts to reach your strength goal (I want to squat 100 lbs, I want to do 50 pushups, I want to do a 3 ft high box jump). That mindset is long-lasting. View food as fuel to reach those goals. I like to tell people to take things 1 meal at a time. Don't think about the months of sugar and carb deprivation, just concentrate on the next meal that's coming and focus on conquering it-using it to reach your goals instead of setting you back.
The last and most major reason why I fear people won't come to me is because of this sucky fact: Weight loss is SLLLLOOOOWWWWW. With me, you won't lose 10 lbs a month. Sorry. You won't step on the scale each morning and another half pound down! There will literally be WEEKS where the scale won't budge. I just came off of a 2 ½ week streak at the same exact dang weight and I've been killing myself in the gym and eating like the healthiest woman ever. But what will happen is your body composition will be changing. The 3-4 lb weightloss in one week isn't fat. It's water weight. Sure, you feel slimmer. It's probably because you're either starving or dehydrated. A promise of slow weight loss= no takers. But that's how it works when you do it the right way and a way that is maintainable and a way that doesn't lead to binge eating.
When it comes to not wanting to workout that day, you're super extra tired, had a hard day at work coupled with 4 hours of sleep, I have always found one thing to help. DON'T THINK, JUST DO. It sounds so corny and stupid, but if I find myself making excuses as to why I should turn off my alarm and sleep in, go straight home to binge watch Netflix instead of workout, this saying will immediately pop into my head and I won't think about it anymore…just make the steps to go without thinking. It's funny how many times this works and I eventually find myself at the gym and have an awesome workout.
So there you have it. I'll tell you that weight loss is going to be extremely slow, you're going to have to be ugly sweaty - not cute sweaty- after your workouts. They're going to be hard. You have to push through and get your butt to the gym or outside to do something to help you reach your goals daily, and you cannot have binge weekends or "epic cheat meals". Even more, you'll need to log your food, cut back on your creamer (my problem), quit drinking soda (also my problem), get a salad and water when everyone else is chowing down on pizza and Dr. Pepper. Sure, there's room in macros counting (see previous post) to have a treat here and there, but consistency consistency consistency and discipline is key. It doesn't have to be life consuming. You don't have to count every calorie and weigh every ounce of food, but it sadly takes effort and a lot of it at times. Who's ready to sign up? That's what I thought. :)
So my hesitation is worry that no one will be interested. No one will want to sign up for these things. If there's another trainer or class out there that promises faster weight loss with less effort, they will be gone. The only way I'll know for sure is to try, but I'm so scared to be honest. I don't want to put all this effort into something to have no takers and embarrass myself or feel like a failure. It's something that is completely beyond my control - whether people are interested or not - and that scares the mess out of me. If I never put myself out there, I'll never get hurt or embarrassed. That's what I keep thinking. But I have to at least try. And if it helps one person then that's a success to me.
I've been VERY hesitant and slow about starting my Personal Training/ Fitness "career". I've had people for years tell me to let them know when I start teaching classes, taking clients, writing workout plans, writing meal plans…yet, I've done NOTHING. Here's why…
I think I'm going to fail.
The fitness industry is completely contaminated with all these lies. Get abs in just 15 minutes a day! 30 day challenges, super unchallenging classes/videos that have all these grand promises but aren't too difficult, etc. I just flat out refuse to change what I know about making a lifestyle change to sell programs and training packages. I know that people lose weight on these 30 day challenges- they even lose 2 inches off their waist! But I have literally never met someone who took that 30 day challenge and applied it indefinitely, making a completely maintainable lifestyle change out of it. If you have, that's awesome! I wish more did! But statistically, the positive outcomes long-term are just not there.
When people ask what I do, or how to lose weight, or how to make any changes, they almost never like my answers. You have to work really hard, when you don't want to, all the time. Potential clients - gone. I've had people tell me HIIT (high intensity interval training) is too hard. They can't get motivated to do it. They'd rather do a squat challenge that takes 10 minutes. I know HIIT is hard - it's the hardest training I've ever done. But when you do really really hard training, something amazing happens. Your body adapts. Your body changes. You get stronger. A lot of times, back and joint pain improves. And the endorphins and visible improvements are the most rewarding and amazing motivators ever. Why do you think Crossfit is so wildly successful? I understand that not everyone wants to become an athlete or a body builder. I get it. They want to "tone up". (Ugh, the T word). And the connotation that comes with "toning up" are workouts that are completely doable, a little challenging, but will ultimately make you "feel" like you are doing something. The problem is, have you ever seen a woman with sculpted, toned arms and legs that couldn't do 10 pushups or 10 squats without getting out of breath? No. They can always run like a cheetah, are super impressive in the gym, and can move some pretty impressive weight with some impressive form. So I'm not really sure where people think they can get like that with really short workouts and a mediocre diet - or a super strict diet for 30 days.
The training I do isn't 3 hours long. It's 45 minutes. I literally workout from 6-6:45/6:50 in the morning. I also want people to want to get stronger and more agile - not just see the number on the scale drop. Yes, you want to lose 20 lbs, but don't you also want to build some awesome muscle (which will make the weightloss even slower), be able to do things like pushups and squats, not ache when you sit in a chair for 30 minutes, be able to be more independent with things like moving furniture, carrying heavy things, helping in the yard or around the house without getting out of breath or hurting?
My hope with future clients is not to get them to a certain weight, measurement, or for them to complete a 30 day challenge. My hope is to change their mindset. All the concepts in the fitness industry are fleeting, the motivation dies off and weight comes back on. If you give someone a new way of thinking about their workouts, progress, and food- those are concepts that will carry on far after a fad diet would. Workout to get stronger, agile, fit. Become amazed at what our bodies can actually do. It's made to do way more than sit on a couch for 5 hours a night or flicking a thumb through Facebook endlessly. Become amazed at how quickly it can change and become stronger. When you set strength goals instead of weight loss goals, your workouts become more fun and more of a chance to get stronger. (Crossfit hook). You need those workouts to reach your strength goal (I want to squat 100 lbs, I want to do 50 pushups, I want to do a 3 ft high box jump). That mindset is long-lasting. View food as fuel to reach those goals. I like to tell people to take things 1 meal at a time. Don't think about the months of sugar and carb deprivation, just concentrate on the next meal that's coming and focus on conquering it-using it to reach your goals instead of setting you back.
The last and most major reason why I fear people won't come to me is because of this sucky fact: Weight loss is SLLLLOOOOWWWWW. With me, you won't lose 10 lbs a month. Sorry. You won't step on the scale each morning and another half pound down! There will literally be WEEKS where the scale won't budge. I just came off of a 2 ½ week streak at the same exact dang weight and I've been killing myself in the gym and eating like the healthiest woman ever. But what will happen is your body composition will be changing. The 3-4 lb weightloss in one week isn't fat. It's water weight. Sure, you feel slimmer. It's probably because you're either starving or dehydrated. A promise of slow weight loss= no takers. But that's how it works when you do it the right way and a way that is maintainable and a way that doesn't lead to binge eating.
When it comes to not wanting to workout that day, you're super extra tired, had a hard day at work coupled with 4 hours of sleep, I have always found one thing to help. DON'T THINK, JUST DO. It sounds so corny and stupid, but if I find myself making excuses as to why I should turn off my alarm and sleep in, go straight home to binge watch Netflix instead of workout, this saying will immediately pop into my head and I won't think about it anymore…just make the steps to go without thinking. It's funny how many times this works and I eventually find myself at the gym and have an awesome workout.
So there you have it. I'll tell you that weight loss is going to be extremely slow, you're going to have to be ugly sweaty - not cute sweaty- after your workouts. They're going to be hard. You have to push through and get your butt to the gym or outside to do something to help you reach your goals daily, and you cannot have binge weekends or "epic cheat meals". Even more, you'll need to log your food, cut back on your creamer (my problem), quit drinking soda (also my problem), get a salad and water when everyone else is chowing down on pizza and Dr. Pepper. Sure, there's room in macros counting (see previous post) to have a treat here and there, but consistency consistency consistency and discipline is key. It doesn't have to be life consuming. You don't have to count every calorie and weigh every ounce of food, but it sadly takes effort and a lot of it at times. Who's ready to sign up? That's what I thought. :)
So my hesitation is worry that no one will be interested. No one will want to sign up for these things. If there's another trainer or class out there that promises faster weight loss with less effort, they will be gone. The only way I'll know for sure is to try, but I'm so scared to be honest. I don't want to put all this effort into something to have no takers and embarrass myself or feel like a failure. It's something that is completely beyond my control - whether people are interested or not - and that scares the mess out of me. If I never put myself out there, I'll never get hurt or embarrassed. That's what I keep thinking. But I have to at least try. And if it helps one person then that's a success to me.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Motherhood
I feel like a ton of women get on their blogs, reflect on some little occurrence that happened in their day, and expand on how that little occurrence is a symbol or metaphor for some life lesson. There's nothing wrong with that, but this post is not that. It's about how freaking hard transitioning into motherhood was for me and how I feel everyone lied to me about how hard it was going to be.
Okay, so the statement about everyone lying to me may be a little over the top, but I do feel that way to some extent. I have opened up about how hard of a time I had for the first month to mothers who completely understood and said they had been there...but I remember when they became mothers, they had a smile on their face and told me and everyone else how great it was and how sweet their babies were. I was totally unprepared for the first month of becoming a mom.
#1. No one told me how horrific the recovery can be after having a baby. Granted, my recovery was far worse than many others (3rd degree) so in a way, that wasn't anyone's fault. I didn't expect to not be able to walk, stand, sit, get in bed, bathe, or even slightly be able to take care of myself. Better yet another tiny human. This was by far the worst part. I haven't experienced helplessness and pain like that EVER- and throw in trying to learn why my baby was crying and how to breastfeed with an average of 2 hours of sleep per night- you have a complete basket case.
#2. No one told me how hard breastfeeding is. The only thing people ask is "are you going to try to breastfeed?" Everyone left out that it's literally one of the hardest things you'll ever try to do and the odds are against you. Plus, it's implied that if you try to breastfeed, you will succeed. I never considered for a second that I wouldn't be able to. I always just "knew" I would and it would take little more than just the act of doing it. Long story short- milk took 7 days to come in, I had very low supply, couldn't pump a drop, and Liam lost too much birth weight, wasn't wetting diapers, and had jaundice. I physically couldn't do it.
#3. No one told me the guilt that comes with giving up breastfeeding. Not only did I not know that breastfeeding could possibly not be an option for me, I didn't know the soul-sucking guilt that would come with buying a can of formula, mixing it, and feeding it to my starving baby because my body failed to nourish him. I've never felt like such a failure in my life. The one thing my body is biologically made to do for my child, I wasn't doing it. On top of that, I now added hundreds of dollars to our monthly budget to buy formula instead of having "free" food for the first six months of his life like we planned. It took me weeks to come to terms with it and I still struggle with it at times.
#4. No one told me that just because you choose to go to formula, that everything is good. Almost as bad as the first two weeks recovering was the following two weeks figuring out what was wrong with my son. He screamed during bottle feedings, screamed after, and screamed during bowel movements. I got irritated when people mentioned colic. He wasn't colicky- he was in pain because of the formula. As if I didn't feel like enough of a failure for not breastfeeding, now my son couldn't handle the formula I was feeding him. Ultimate low. It took two-three VERY long weeks to figure out what was wrong and why he couldn't handle certain formulas. Turns out, he has some sensitivity to lactose and (I think) this ingredient called Palm Olein. Similac Sensitive is not my ideal formula to feed him- it has corn syrup, GMO's, and other ingredients that make me cringe. But I have literally tried every option that's organic and non-GMO. I had to choose between a healthy formula and a screaming pained baby or a crappier formula and a happy pain free baby. I chose the latter. :)
#5. Other moms are so judgmental. One of my least favorite things to do is mix a formula bottle for Liam in public. I can always see other moms with babies watching me or giving me a disproving look. How dare her feed her child that cancer powder...breast is best. It's like women forget that not every woman has a wonderful flowing supply that came in on day 2 to feed their immediately latched baby. I know a lot of it stems from my insecurity lingering from failing at breastfeeding, but I still see the looks and I wish they had better things to do than judge me.
#6. No one told me about postpartum anxiety. You always hear about the Baby Blues and postpartum depression. I didn't have that. I had a wicked version of postpartum anxiety. I'm 100% sure it mostly stemmed from the horrible recovery mixed with the struggles of breastfeeding, but a third factor fueled it for me - monotony. Oh my goodness, the monotony. I am an anti-monotonous person. I hate routine, doing the same thing in the same order literally more than once. It's a huge reason why I chose my job in x-ray. One day I'm in surgery, the next I'm in ER, the next I'm doing fluoroscopy. It changes just enough to where I don't go crazy. I get ready in a different order every morning, have a different routine before bed every night, and do a different workout in the gym everyday. I get bored so easily and monotony feels like a trap. Well, guess what motherhood is- routine, routine, routine. Over and over and over again. I was on a 2-hour cycle that never ended. Day and night, the 2-hour cycle. Breastfeed, see that he was still hungry and wasn't getting anything, top off with formula while hanging my head and shedding a tear, burp, diaper change, have 30-40 minutes until the next feed. It was the most terrifying monotonous trap I've ever been in and it didn't end when the sun went down. I had a really really hard time dealing with this. Even as I type this, 2 months in, I still get that nervous anxiety about being stuck in the same routine every 3-4 hours indefinitely (or so it feels). The anxiety kept me from sleeping, eating, and enjoying anything. I was a nervous wreck all the time. I've never had anxiety in my life and here I was with the most crippling anxiety I could ever imagine. I didn't even know what anxiety felt like. I just felt constantly nervous like I was about to get on stage and make a huge speech. The racing heart made me nauseous and I could never relax. Funny thing was- it wasn't about my brand new baby like I think most other mothers have anxiety about. It was about the never ending 2 hour cycle.
#7. No one told me the importance of getting back to doing things I love- and quickly! I've been a fitness freak the past 4 years and was really worried I wouldn't have time or any interest after Liam. It's been the opposite. People vastly underestimate the power of exercise as a replacement for meds. The anxiety was so disabling, I was actually considering meds so I could get some sleep and calm the heck down. My doctor gave me the best advice and just what I needed 2 weeks postpartum. "You don't need meds, you need to go back to the gym". I went back that night and the relief from the anxiety was immediate. I slept and wasn't nervous for the first time in 14 days. Since I am a mom now, and routine is just part of having a baby, I still feel that hint of anxiety creeping up every once in awhile. I'm not sure if any Type B's are reading this and know exactly what I'm talking about when I freak out at the thought of the entrapment of routine and monotony- but it's just my struggle. Working out everyday is my release and I couldn't be more thankful for it. Doing your hobby (quickly!) after baby makes you feel human again and it's so so important and not selfish even though it seems like it. Taking care of yourself is also taking care of your baby. Words to live by.
These are just the hardships I learned the hard way. I also learned so many blessings and joys I've never experienced and I love them so much. I've heard of parents talking about how much they love their babies and the joy a little smile or coo can bring, but you just don't understand it until it's your own. He is such a sweet baby and his looks, coos, smiles, and milestones swell a part of my heart that I never knew existed. It's amazing how those moments mean more than any personal accomplishment. I watched him bat his hand at a hanging toy from his play mat yesterday and felt as if my son was just elected president. It's insanity. Haha.
I'm not sure why I felt the need to write about this, but if it helps one person be or feel more prepared, or gives another fellow mom a laugh, I guess that's all that matters. :)
PS!! I am getting ready to start my Personal Training journey in a month or two! I plan on writing a little about my plans for that as well as my fears. There are many of both!
Okay, so the statement about everyone lying to me may be a little over the top, but I do feel that way to some extent. I have opened up about how hard of a time I had for the first month to mothers who completely understood and said they had been there...but I remember when they became mothers, they had a smile on their face and told me and everyone else how great it was and how sweet their babies were. I was totally unprepared for the first month of becoming a mom.
#1. No one told me how horrific the recovery can be after having a baby. Granted, my recovery was far worse than many others (3rd degree) so in a way, that wasn't anyone's fault. I didn't expect to not be able to walk, stand, sit, get in bed, bathe, or even slightly be able to take care of myself. Better yet another tiny human. This was by far the worst part. I haven't experienced helplessness and pain like that EVER- and throw in trying to learn why my baby was crying and how to breastfeed with an average of 2 hours of sleep per night- you have a complete basket case.
#2. No one told me how hard breastfeeding is. The only thing people ask is "are you going to try to breastfeed?" Everyone left out that it's literally one of the hardest things you'll ever try to do and the odds are against you. Plus, it's implied that if you try to breastfeed, you will succeed. I never considered for a second that I wouldn't be able to. I always just "knew" I would and it would take little more than just the act of doing it. Long story short- milk took 7 days to come in, I had very low supply, couldn't pump a drop, and Liam lost too much birth weight, wasn't wetting diapers, and had jaundice. I physically couldn't do it.
#3. No one told me the guilt that comes with giving up breastfeeding. Not only did I not know that breastfeeding could possibly not be an option for me, I didn't know the soul-sucking guilt that would come with buying a can of formula, mixing it, and feeding it to my starving baby because my body failed to nourish him. I've never felt like such a failure in my life. The one thing my body is biologically made to do for my child, I wasn't doing it. On top of that, I now added hundreds of dollars to our monthly budget to buy formula instead of having "free" food for the first six months of his life like we planned. It took me weeks to come to terms with it and I still struggle with it at times.
#4. No one told me that just because you choose to go to formula, that everything is good. Almost as bad as the first two weeks recovering was the following two weeks figuring out what was wrong with my son. He screamed during bottle feedings, screamed after, and screamed during bowel movements. I got irritated when people mentioned colic. He wasn't colicky- he was in pain because of the formula. As if I didn't feel like enough of a failure for not breastfeeding, now my son couldn't handle the formula I was feeding him. Ultimate low. It took two-three VERY long weeks to figure out what was wrong and why he couldn't handle certain formulas. Turns out, he has some sensitivity to lactose and (I think) this ingredient called Palm Olein. Similac Sensitive is not my ideal formula to feed him- it has corn syrup, GMO's, and other ingredients that make me cringe. But I have literally tried every option that's organic and non-GMO. I had to choose between a healthy formula and a screaming pained baby or a crappier formula and a happy pain free baby. I chose the latter. :)
#5. Other moms are so judgmental. One of my least favorite things to do is mix a formula bottle for Liam in public. I can always see other moms with babies watching me or giving me a disproving look. How dare her feed her child that cancer powder...breast is best. It's like women forget that not every woman has a wonderful flowing supply that came in on day 2 to feed their immediately latched baby. I know a lot of it stems from my insecurity lingering from failing at breastfeeding, but I still see the looks and I wish they had better things to do than judge me.
#6. No one told me about postpartum anxiety. You always hear about the Baby Blues and postpartum depression. I didn't have that. I had a wicked version of postpartum anxiety. I'm 100% sure it mostly stemmed from the horrible recovery mixed with the struggles of breastfeeding, but a third factor fueled it for me - monotony. Oh my goodness, the monotony. I am an anti-monotonous person. I hate routine, doing the same thing in the same order literally more than once. It's a huge reason why I chose my job in x-ray. One day I'm in surgery, the next I'm in ER, the next I'm doing fluoroscopy. It changes just enough to where I don't go crazy. I get ready in a different order every morning, have a different routine before bed every night, and do a different workout in the gym everyday. I get bored so easily and monotony feels like a trap. Well, guess what motherhood is- routine, routine, routine. Over and over and over again. I was on a 2-hour cycle that never ended. Day and night, the 2-hour cycle. Breastfeed, see that he was still hungry and wasn't getting anything, top off with formula while hanging my head and shedding a tear, burp, diaper change, have 30-40 minutes until the next feed. It was the most terrifying monotonous trap I've ever been in and it didn't end when the sun went down. I had a really really hard time dealing with this. Even as I type this, 2 months in, I still get that nervous anxiety about being stuck in the same routine every 3-4 hours indefinitely (or so it feels). The anxiety kept me from sleeping, eating, and enjoying anything. I was a nervous wreck all the time. I've never had anxiety in my life and here I was with the most crippling anxiety I could ever imagine. I didn't even know what anxiety felt like. I just felt constantly nervous like I was about to get on stage and make a huge speech. The racing heart made me nauseous and I could never relax. Funny thing was- it wasn't about my brand new baby like I think most other mothers have anxiety about. It was about the never ending 2 hour cycle.
#7. No one told me the importance of getting back to doing things I love- and quickly! I've been a fitness freak the past 4 years and was really worried I wouldn't have time or any interest after Liam. It's been the opposite. People vastly underestimate the power of exercise as a replacement for meds. The anxiety was so disabling, I was actually considering meds so I could get some sleep and calm the heck down. My doctor gave me the best advice and just what I needed 2 weeks postpartum. "You don't need meds, you need to go back to the gym". I went back that night and the relief from the anxiety was immediate. I slept and wasn't nervous for the first time in 14 days. Since I am a mom now, and routine is just part of having a baby, I still feel that hint of anxiety creeping up every once in awhile. I'm not sure if any Type B's are reading this and know exactly what I'm talking about when I freak out at the thought of the entrapment of routine and monotony- but it's just my struggle. Working out everyday is my release and I couldn't be more thankful for it. Doing your hobby (quickly!) after baby makes you feel human again and it's so so important and not selfish even though it seems like it. Taking care of yourself is also taking care of your baby. Words to live by.
These are just the hardships I learned the hard way. I also learned so many blessings and joys I've never experienced and I love them so much. I've heard of parents talking about how much they love their babies and the joy a little smile or coo can bring, but you just don't understand it until it's your own. He is such a sweet baby and his looks, coos, smiles, and milestones swell a part of my heart that I never knew existed. It's amazing how those moments mean more than any personal accomplishment. I watched him bat his hand at a hanging toy from his play mat yesterday and felt as if my son was just elected president. It's insanity. Haha.
I'm not sure why I felt the need to write about this, but if it helps one person be or feel more prepared, or gives another fellow mom a laugh, I guess that's all that matters. :)
PS!! I am getting ready to start my Personal Training journey in a month or two! I plan on writing a little about my plans for that as well as my fears. There are many of both!
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